The Heart Knows

“When a person finally feels safe enough to talk about their trauma openly or even speak admissions privately to themselves, a bold and powerful moment is born. And in the midst of these initial breaths are the tender, courageous steps towards healing.
Opening typically comes organically in nature, yet I have seen it rushed before its time. I have seen unseasonable temperatures press the fragile bud to break too early. When the air gently warms the supple heart, it will open in its own way. The heart knows when it feels safe and warm enough to unfurl.”

A passage from the book Open Passages by Susan Frybort.

This is why my work with touch and cuddling is such a powerful experience.

There is no expectation to open up, to share or talk.

There is no expectations of healing or fixing.

I am not taking notes or analysing you.

People don’t come to me looking for answers.

What the human touch offers is so very raw and real.

Simply put it is just a human being in the loving presence of another.

To be seen, held and heard even if what is being heard is silence.

And in that space a miniscule shaft of light invites that opening and unfurling.

“The heart knows when it feels safe and warm enough to unfurl.”

Hopefully, soon, I will be able to resume this very important in-person work.

Two’s Company

Coming very soon….Twos Company – bringing my work outside.

Now that spring has arrived and with the promise of warmer days these sessions offer the opportunity of a shared walk and quality time together.

Enjoying each other’s company we will take a relaxing walk, find a nice bench to sit or scenic spot to rest.

Bring a flask or non-alcoholic drink and we can chat or simply enjoy the views of nature or people watching if in a park.

Alternatively, bring a book and we can stop and read together.

The perfect opportunity for holding hands or walking arm in arm and a gentle introduction to closeness.

And if you have a dog feel free to bring them along too.

A Quiet Hug or a Conversational Cuddle?

Some people wonder what actually happens in a Compassionate Touch and Cuddle session other than, well…… touch and hugs.

Do we chat or are we quiet?

Is the session in silence or is there background music?

If we talk what do we talk about?

And my answer to that is all of the above.

I always ask at the beginning of a session “what do you need from this session?”

“What would make you feel more at ease?”

There is no expectation to talk.

About anything.

My job is to hold the space for you and let it unfold naturally.

I am not here to fix you or take away your worries but more to offer a soft place of caring for your feelings to land.

Can we trust this space to open up, whether there is deep silence or conversational chatter, into an authentic experience?

Boundaries and Consent

A core part of any cuddle session, whether on-line or in-person is establishing boundaries and consent.

I make clear expectations very early in conversations before a session even takes place to ensure clients are provided with clear information as to what is acceptable and what is not. What this sevice provides and what it does not.

But, it doesn’t end there.

At the beginning of every session I give further clarification and check in with you as to what boundaries and consent means to you and clear up any misunderstandings.

I want you to have a good grounding in what this actually means in practice.

We then actually put this into practice with specific exercises.

It’s so very important for us all gain confidence in giving and receiving consent.

It’s the building block to trust.

Particularly saying and hearing “No”.

And, if you don’t hear a clear “Yes” then it must be taken as a “No”. There are no grey areas.

Yes = Yes (at any point that can be revoked verbally or physically such as pulling away)

No = No.

No answer or the person is undecided = No

If there is ANY doubt the answer is “No”.

All in the knowledge that an answer can be revoked at any time. So a “Yes” may become a “No” if the person changes their mind.

This empowers us to advocate for ourselves which creates a more meaningful and successful session.

In fact, for people who have experienced unsolicited or inappropriate touch (and surprisingly many of us have) or who have difficulties expressing their touch wishes a whole session might be based around practicing boundaries and consent without any touch taking place.

Supporting You Through Our Second Lockdown.

I have for you a very, very special offer.

As a second lockdown arrives and our daylight hours get shorter we will all need just a little bit more extra support with our need to feel connected and nurtured.

For the four weeks of this second lockdown from 5th November to the 2nd December I will be offering 30 minutes remote compassionate touch sessions for a minimum donation of £10 per session.

Why am I offering this?

I fully recognise how valuable my time is – after all I work in end of life care and appreciate that we don’t have an infinite amount of time on this planet in the body that we live in now. But this is also heart-centred work.I recognise right now that there is a great deal of suffering and strains have been put on finances. Isolation and loneliness, trauma and ptsd, separation and division, grief and loss and a great lack of connection is being felt by many.

I want to help support people through these next few weeks and this is my way of providing that support.

It doesn’t mean that I value what I offer less.

In fact, the opposite is true. I value what I offer more than ever.

These sessions are priceless and when you experience them you will see why.

The personal feedback has blown my mind.

This offer is limited to one 30 minute session per person per week for the 4 week duration of lockdown from 5th November 2020. They follow the same rules as my in-person sessions and are a safe space to be you and feel what you are feeling, to be held in all that you are. The session includes any or a mixture of the following: eye gazing, activities bringing deeper connection, self-comforting techniques, a hug or touch meditation or virtual compassionate touch session.

Please get in touch if you would like to book a session or discuss how I might be able to support you with your need to connect or reconnect.

Close your eyes, feel into your body – what do you need right now?